To The Mom of The Special Needs Ones on The Hard Days

I understand. That’s all I want to say today, really.And I wanted you to know that you are not invisible.I know it is the kind of hard that no one else can fathom.i know you felt a knife rip through your heart and a wave of relief flood your soul the moment that a doctor or a therapist confirmed what you had already known for a while, but maybe hadn’t been quite ready to admit.

 I know that the novel that sits by your bed at night is not really a novel at all, but a stack of paperwork to be read and signed and returned.I know that the first time you walked into that therapist’s office you felt like you must have failed somewhere along the way. But I know you didn’t. Because there you are, sitting in the office waiting room, doing everything you can do get support for that very same child that you think you are failing.

I know that it is so hard not to harbor resentment in your heart.

I know that you might have had to give up a promising career because there are so many daytime appointments now where a guardian needs to be present. I know that it is putting a strain on your relationship with your spouse. I know that sometimes you have to count the minutes until the end of the play date because it is difficult to be around other mothers while they talk about issues that seem so mundane in comparison to the cards you have been dealt.

I know that your weight is probably different now than it was before you got the news. It might be because you have been going to so many appointments every week that dinner comes from a drive-thru more often than it does not. It might be because you are eating your feelings, or it might be because you have been so sick with grief over what could have been that your appetite has disappeared completely.

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